Chapter 18

Without Thinking

His life was not worth reflecting on.

Samard found himself in the castle gardens. Instead of slowly walking the labyrinth circle as he meditated on life, he walked straight across to the center and sat on the bench. What was there to contemplate?

He’d had the gardens redesigned just for Abiya. But she never came out of her chambers. Had she look out her window and enjoyed the summer red, pink and yellow roses? He hoped so, but he doubted it. Soon winter would come. The bushes and trees had already lost their flowers and were beginning to lose their leaves. The garden was as bleak as his marriage.

He looked up at Abiya’s windows and thought he saw someone step back so as not to be seen. Was she watching him? He never apologized for the way things had turned out. She needed to know that he was wrong for having her shipped to him as if she were produce.

In his haste to end the war, he’d not considered the future or her feelings. Perhaps, he’d thought, Abiya would be overjoyed that the conflict was over, and be pleased to be his wife. He should have wooed her as a lover. He should have gone to her castle and asked for her hand in person instead of sending for her by messenger. They should have talked and walked in her father’s gardens, gotten to know each other properly and fallen in love.

No wonder she would not speak to him, but how could he make amends if she never spoke to him? Still, he must try. He ran from the garden to her rooms.

Samard stood with his forehead against Abiya’s chamber door. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I should have come to you. I should have courted you. Forgive me. If I could, I would send you back so we could start over, but I fear your father will be insulted. And the hostilities would start all over again. Please forgive me. I have shattered both our lives.” He waited as if he expected an answer. “I don’t know how to make amends. Please open the door and tell me what to do.”

If Abiya had opened the door, Samard would have fallen at her feet in remorse. Perhaps he could endure kingship if she sat at his side. Perhaps his life would have meaning if she forgave him.

He’d ended the war, but he didn’t know how to be a husband to a wife who refused to open the door.

Published in: on July 23, 2011 at 2:32 pm  Leave a Comment  

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